the best day.

Today is certainly not the best day.  Eight years ago today I lost my mother to a very long battle with cancer.  I miss her every day and think of her when I look at my girls and how much she would eat them up.  I was devastated when she died just two weeks shy of E’s birth.  But she lives on in them and most importantly she lives on in me.  I am a better mother for having known her and (although it sounds weird) for having lost her.  I have a legacy of greatness to live up to.  I love this quote shared with me by a friend who also lost her mother.  It’s by author Cheryl Strayed (aka: Sugar.)

The kindest and most meaningful thing anyone ever says to me is: your mother would be proud of you. Finding a way in my grief to become the woman who my mother raised me to be is the most important way I have honored my mother. It has been the greatest salve to my sorrow. The strange and painful truth is that I’m a better person because I lost my mom young. When you say you experience my writing as sacred, what you are touching is the divine place within me that is my mother. Sugar is the temple I built in my obliterated place. I’d give it all back in a snap, but the fact is, my grief taught me things. It showed me shades and hues I couldn’t have otherwise seen. It required me to suffer. It compelled me to reach.

Since I am a teenage girl at heart, I have a playlist dedicated to my mom.  This song is the very first track.  It makes me smile, it makes me cry, it makes me know how lucky I am to have had her as my mom.

5 thoughts on “the best day.

  1. Lisa

    Krista, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my dad at a very young age and I think the same thing – even though I would rather have had him all these years, the loss of him definitely made me a better parent, wife, person. There is a not a day that goes by, good or not, in which I don’t cherish the day and the people in my life. Thanks for sharing that video (which I never saw, even though I have a huge Taylor Swift fan for a daughter!) and that quote. Your post was very touching to me this morning and I hope you feel your mom shining down on your life every single day.

  2. Bronwyn

    Sending you good wishes. It’s lovely to hear you finding something positive from something so tragic. My Mum died 8 months ago and as a result I’m determined to LIVE each day – I dress nicely (for me), I cook good food, I make nice things for my family and help in the community. I’d be happier if Mum was still with me but I’m a better person for knowing her in life and in death.

  3. aly

    Sending you hugs. I lost my mom to cancer last summer the day after I turned 40. It is so hard and I miss her very much. Your posts brightened my day through her illness. On a lighter note, I too once lived with venetian gold granite counter tops-my mom couldn’t see how I thought they were so terrible. The post where you share about buying the house and your mom’s comment about the granite makes me smile! Here’s to holding on to sweet memories and making them proud!

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