Category Archives: life

04.02.13

Perfectly Imperfect.

I have so many Moms who comment to me “I don’t know how you do it…  How do you work a full time job, raise two kids and keep up with this blog?”  Well, my life is not always as pretty as it may seem my friends.  Although I put a lot of my thoughts out there on a daily basis, it is generally design or fashion based.  I try to keep my personal life somewhat, well personal.

You all were so very supportive when I wrote about my diagnosis of Lyme Disease last year.  This has been hard (sometimes unbearable) battle for me and my family.  The past year of my life has had so many highs, but also some of the lowest of lows.  While 2012 was personally the toughest year of my life- I also learned a lot about myself and about life.  I learned that life doesn’t always go according to your plan and that shit happens.  I have learned to forgive people and to become less judgmental.  I have learned that life is a journey and to take that journey one day, or one hour at a time.  I am slowly learning to live in the moment.  This is something that I will always have to work on as I am about as Type-A as they come.  I have learned that time can heal most wounds.  That life is fluid and that (although quite uncomfortable) it is ok not to always have a plan.  Take.  Each.  Day.  As.  It.  Comes.
I am a firm believer in therapy.  And through that therapy I have (for the first time) allowed myself to feel.  You see, my mother was given a death sentence of 6 months when I was 12 years old.  For the next 16 years it was ingrained in me to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  That’s what we did.  That’s what we had to do to survive.  While outsiders looking in were not surprised by her death in 2005-  I was stunned.  And two weeks later, I had given birth to E.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off…  I did what I was trained to do.
There are ups and downs in allowing yourself to feel-  but for the first time, I feel like I am actually living rather than just planning my life.  I have learned to allow myself to make mistakes.  And since then I’ve made quite a few.   You see, while I will always be a perfectionist, I have learned to tame my impulses.  And it’s come with a mixture of therapy (and Lexapro.)
 As my therapist advised…. first, start with a small mistake that only YOU would notice.  This advice came after I confessed to her my LOWEST motherly moment.  The heart picture that you see above was made for me by E.  Absolutely adorable right?  I told her about the guilt and shame that I felt because (of course I would never say anything) while I could  recognize it’s “potential, ” all I could focus on was the fact that a few of the paint chips had writing on them, or that some were not perfect circles.   I literally thought about taking it out of the glass and fixing it.
After I put the words out there I sat and flinched… I waited for her to chastise me for being the worst mother ever.  Instead she said “we will fix this.”  This was a trait that was passed from my mother to me– and I needed to break the cycle. So, the first step was hanging that picture with pride.  Hanging it in a place where everyone can see it and where it will remind me of how perfectly imperfect life can be.  And that’s what I did.  It is hanging in my hallway for all to see, but most importantly for ME to see and remind me of how perfectly imperfect MY life is.
 Just last week, in a mad-dash to get down to Savannah, I printed out the invitations for Lou’s party.  After I printed every last invitation out, I found not one, but two typos.   Don’t get me wrong, I had to calm the demons… but ultimately I sent them out.  There was no time to reprint.  I sent an email my friends mentioning the typos and my friend JJ said “I am just glad to see you are human.”  And that’s what we all are.. Perfectly imperfect humans.

08.21.12

Back to the Grind.

I am sad to say that our Summer O’Vacays is over.  School starts next week and it’s back to the grind.  We had a great time in Bethany Beach… it’s probably my favorite place in the world.  I used to spend my summers there with my Mom.

We had some great beach days….

A few Happy Hours…

Some kite flying…

Funland…

E even created a new beach game… Peg-Your-Sister-On-The-Ass-With-A-Beanbag.

An ice cream brain freeze…

Mini-Golf.

Lou was finally spent on their last day.

And then, being the devoted mother that I am, I kicked Mike and the kids out on Thursday for some shenanigans with these ladies.

We all modeled some new jewelry that will be available this fall… Stay tuned. 😉

And during this weekend, I was reminded of two things…  #1- I am not 25 anymore.. and happy about that.

#2:  I have the best friends in the world.  Love you Ya’s!

07.10.12

We’re Back!

We are back!  After an entire day of attempting to dig myself out of a black hole of email, I have barely made a dent- but it was totally worth it.  New York was A-MAAAZING!  We had the best time!  I owe a BIG FAT thank you to my friend Mae, who took E to Times Square on Thursday so that I could hang out with this guy…

Of course this one picture is annoyingly blurry… I got to hang with Jonathan Adler and his peeps in their NYC Studio… which was re-damn-dic by the way.  Here are a few shots of JA and his team hard at work.
I was back on my way uptown to meet the girls and I ran into this guy…. Not nearly as impressive.
We packed so much into this trip….
Top of the Rock
E got her first American Doll.
Dylan’s Candy Bar.

Wicked was simply breathtaking.

A morning in Central Park.

Lunch in Little Italy.

The best part about this trip was spending some QT with this girl.  When we were leaving she informed me that when she grows up she wants to be a street performer in New York City…  Lord, that child.
Unfortunately, due to the storms on the east coast, it took us nine hours to get home and then we were off to Savannah for some fireworks and fun.

 

We were even able to squeeze in a day trip to Charleston, which included my three favorite pastimes, drinking, eating and shopping!
Now it’s back to reality!

04.18.12

Stopping to Smell the Flowers.

As of late, my life has been crazy.  Like, seriously, crazy.  I am stressed beyond belief and trying to find a way to find a balance, especially for my girls.  Yesterday morning, my almost-4-year old girl wanted to go out and pick a flower for her teacher.  Of course, I was late (as usual) but I stopped and thought to myself “If I don’t take this moment in now, when will I?”  I strive very hard (or at least that is my intention) to make sure that my girls are kind and considerate, and that is exactly the behavior that Lou was demonstrating.  Of course, if I start to think about the amount of times that our schedule or life gets in the way of that my head might explode.  I would never want my girls to think that there is anything more important than them… but unfortunately, sometimes my behavior shows otherwise.  So, here’s to a new, calmer me and training myself how to stop and smell the flowers.

09.16.11

I Don’t Know How She Does It.

Along with the millions of other working mothers out there, I am SO excited for the release of SJP’s new movie, I Don’t Know How She Does It today. This film, adapted from the British Novel written by Allison Pearson seems like it could so easily be any of us.   Often you will see the trials and tribulations of this working mother in my A Motherly Moment posts.  This scene was eerily similar to our lice outbreak last summer.  Now that it is behind me, I can laugh about it, and plan to when sitting in the theater.
One thing is for sure, motherhood is not glamorous, whether you stay at home or work outside of the home.  Dirty diapers, runny noses and of course the uber-gross bathroom moments are all part of the job.  I think we will all get a good chuckle out of these comedic gems.  Again, much funnier when you are looking in the rear view mirror.
I have friends that stay at home with their children, as well as friends that work to provide for their family.  Is there a right choice?  Of course not.  Being a mother is not an easy job for anyone.  Rewarding?  Yes.  But not easy.  I receive many emails from readers asking me how I maintain a family, a full time job, this blog and several other projects.  The fact is that something does have to give.   On a constant basis I feel the guilt of not being there for my children.  As many of you know, E started first grade this year and the fact that I have to hire a babysitter to pick her up at the bus stop each day does NOT sit well with me.  To add to the mounting pile of guilt,  I had to put her on a bus for her very first day of school, then hopped on a flight to California for five days.  I took the red eye home on Friday to spend “quality” time with my family, but was so exhausted that I couldn’t even keep my eyes open when I returned.
We all have goals in life and I can tell you that nobody can keep up this pace for long.  At some point we all have to set our limits.  I am so fortunate to have had the success that I have had professionally as well as the fulfillment and opportunities that this blog brings.  I (like every other mother) will have to make a choice, but rest assured that no matter what I choose, the one thing that will not give is my kids.