04.13.11

A Mother’s Guilt.

to the moon and back | kiwi's list.
If you have been reading this blog for some time you know that I lost my mother to cancer 5 1/2 years ago.  What you may not know is that I inherited the very same cancer that took her life.  We found out in 1989 that Neets had Medullary Thyroid Cancer.  The disease was so aggressive that they told her that she had six months to live.  Refusing to accept this death sentence, she turned 6 months into 16 years.  Through her advocacy and persistance, our doctors at Johns Hopkins continued to test for a genetic marker that caused the disease.  In 2000, they found it.  My brother, sister and I were all tested and both my brother Darren and I tested positive for the gene. In January of 2000 we had our thyroids removed.  Darren had traces of cancer in his thyroid, but on none of the surrounding lymph nodes.  I not only had cancer on my thyroid, but on two of the four lymph nodes that they removed.
I will never forget the look of pain on my mother’s face.  How guilty she felt that she somehow was the cause of this pain for her children.  At the time I was 22, childless and completely disregarded these emotions.
I can honestly say that my mother saved our lives.  We now work closely with our doctors to ensure that the cancer is under control.  While I have minor traces of MTC, nothing to be alarmed of at this point.  Is it a curse?  In a way, but it is also a blessing.  We are so fortunate to have this information far enough in advance to prevent this disease from taking another life.
So, here comes the most difficult part for me.  A few weeks ago, we had our girls tested for this gene.  The results came back last week.  E does not have it, Anna does.  In a flash, it all came rushing to me- the guilt my mother felt.
At the very least, we hope that (because we know the facts early enough) in the grand scheme of things it would mean surgery for Anna Lou and an understanding of the disease so that she can have her children tested.  We will have to take her back for more blood work to make sure that there are no viable traces of cancer in her body (which would be quite rare at this age.)  If there are not, than she will most likely have a thyroidectomy at age six.
Does it suck?  Yes.  Is it going to kill me to put my baby through this?  Yes.  But if this testing was available when my mother was a child, she would be with us today.  I just wish the curse would have ended with me.

04.11.11

Big Girl Room.

The time has come.  Our little Anna Lou will be turning three next month, and refuses to sleep in her toddler bed.  It’s time to convert her nursery into a big girl room.  This weekend she inherited my trundle bed from childhood.  I have a lot of ideas for her new bed and bedding.  To give you a sneak peak, here are some inspirations that came to mind….
Stay tuned!

04.08.11

On Acid.

While I am not particularly a fan of the neon trend, one color I can stand behind is acid yellow.  
Years after SJP rocked this dress, I still can’t get it out of my head.
And how pretty and feminine does Rhianna look in this chiffon-rufffled dream?
Like it or not, acid yellow well be around to stay this summer.  So if you decide to hop on the band wagon, here are a few pieces to tickle your fancy:

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

04.07.11

Oh Hells Yeah!

In looking for inspiration for some artwork in our upstairs foyer, I came across this:
Isn’t it magnificent?  It’s from Black Crowe Studios.
They create custom wallpaper, stretched canvases, fabrics and pillows.
 I am thinking of painting my own piece similar to this.
Love the map.
 If a pattern is more to your liking.
Perfect artwork for a masculine office space.

04.06.11

Turning A House Into A Home.

Our house is a typical builder’s grade house. When we originally moved here in 2004, we thought that we would live here a few years and eventually move “up.”  However, we love our house, we love our neighborhood and our neighbors.  One thing I didn’t love- our kitchen.  I will never forget the day of our walk-though. I walked into the kitchen and started bawling my eyes out because I hated the countertops (and really, the whole kitchen.)  My mother (God rest her soul) who was also my Realtor told me to suck it up, that we can always change the counters.   It seemed so wasteful getting rid of them because they were granite.  Albeit ugly granite, but granite nonetheless.
(Image from previous owners, 2003)

The thing that drives my husband crazy (okay, one of the things) about me is that our house is in a constant state of change.   He has come home from a business trip and I will have literally painted an entire room a different color.  I’d like to think it keeps things interesting, he would tell you differently.

Because we decided that we were going to be here for some time we (okay I) started designing to turn this house into a home.   It ended up being more “changes” than Mike signed up for.  We ended up editing a little more than just the countertops.  Most of the major was done work in November of 2009, and while it is not completely finished, I am finally willing to show you some “tweener” shots. (Thanks to Ryann Laden for the pictures)   Here are the results thus far:

Our cabinets were in perfectly good shape, I just hated the color.  So- we painted them.  We built a bulkhead to get rid of that awkward space in between the cabinets and the ceiling.  We also had extra room so we built in some shelving on the end of the island and the lower cabinets.  This has opened up our kitchen so much.  I am so in love with the boards that we had installed on the ceiling.  It wasn’t cheap, but I think it adds so much character to the space.
 Next to the sink we moved two sets of cabinets up to the ceiling and added a cafe shelf.
  We replaced all of the hardware with Gilmore knobs and pulls from Restoration Hardware.
We chose a honed Carrera, which I know is very popular, but it was just a natural fit for the space.
Ahh… My favorite part:  my new apron sink.  I like to call it my double-wide. This was something that I went back and forth on for weeks, and it actually held up the process because I decided at the last minute that I couldn’t live without it- and boy, am I that glad I did.  We had to replace the cabinet under the sink with a smaller one, and that cabinet took about 6 weeks to come in.  Then we had to have the painter come back and paint it (he had already painted the existing cabinet.)
In a few weeks my Imperial Trellis roman shades will be hung.  Again, seems quite predictable, but the color way is so perfect in my kitchen. I tried so many others and none were quite this perfect.
So there you have it- our almost-done kitchen.  I couldn’t be happier with the results and am so happy to come home to it.  The best part?  On Christmas morning last year, Mike looked around and said “Honey, I really love our kitchen. ”  RIP ugly countertops!
  Stay tuned for the exciting changes to our living room, dining room and family room!

04.04.11

You’re So Vain.

I have a few exciting things in the works, and I quickly came to the realization that I didn’t have a headshot.  So, a few weeks ago I enlisted the help of my friend Ryann Laden of Ryann Colleen Photography to help a sister out.  (Sidebar: I am pretty awkward about having my picture taken, especially by myself.  I couldn’t even do it on my wedding day -weird, I know.)
 Thank God for Ryann who was AMAZING at coaching me through my photographic-awkwardness.  We were able to cram the entire session in while the girls were at dance class. What was hilarious about the whole thing is that Bailey kept creeping into every picture- so much like my real life, she is right by my side. 

Recognize this Forever 21 dress?

I just adore this one of Bail– a framer, for sure!
Loving my EmersonMade Poppy!

My baby is getting so grey around the face– she just turned 10!

I felt a little ridiculous with this one in my boudoir– but this is where the majority of the magic happens… For the blog, that is.
Thanks again to Ryann, she is a true professional, and quite the perfectionist– which I love.  Ryann also does Portrait Parties for children– what a great idea for Spring!

04.01.11

April Showers.

Trench, $645 
April showers bring May flowers, so they say.   Here in DC the month of April starts out as cold and damp and before you know it flowers are blooming and May is upon us.  This is one of those weird months where it will be raining and cold on your way into work, and by lunch time the sun is out and it’s 20 degrees warmer.  There are plenty of ways to look stylish in this non-predictable weather.  The key is layers.  Here are two looks that I pulled together for April.  Of course, both start off with a stylish trench.